Stay indoors

This is what makes America so special:

"…THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN UPTON NY HAS EXTENDED THE WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY FROM 1 AM TONIGHT THROUGH 4 PM WEDNESDAY…

"SNOW WILL OVERSPREAD THE REGION FROM WEST TO EAST AFTER MIDNIGHT.  COLD SURFACE TEMPERATURES WILL ALLOW FOR THE SNOW TO ACCUMULATE BETWEEN 1 AND 2 INCHES BY MORNING.  THIS WILL RESULT IN SLIPPERY CONDITIONS FOR THE MORNING COMMUTE.  THE ACCUMULATING SNOW WILL THEN CONTINUE WELL INTO WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON BEFORE TAPERING TO JUST SOME VERY LIGHT SNOW OR FLURRIES AFTER 4 PM.  TOTAL SNOW ACCUMULATION IS EXPECTED TO RANGE FROM 2 TO 4 INCHES.  IN ADDITION…SOME LIGHT FREEZING DRIZZLE MAY OCCUR WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON BEFORE THE PRECIPITATION ENDS."

There are two things that make this amusing, possibly three.  First of all, the flowery language is so out of whack with the content.  It seems to have been written by an English major (for that’s what they’re called over here) who has landed a temp job at the US equivalent of the Met office – I’ve never heard of snow tapering before, btw.  Secondly, only America would have such formality of warnings for what can only amount to a snow flurry.  Also, I love the fact that its capitalisation seems to indicate a higher level of authority and severity.

Comments

2 Responses to “Stay indoors”

  1. Elise on January 26th, 2005 17:34

    Look up ‘taper’ on http://www.m-w.com.

    taper (v.)
    c : a gradual decrease

    I think it’s usually used with ‘off’, i.e. “Snowfall tonight will be tapering off around midnight.” Perhaps you have to come from a cold climate to appreciate the tapering of snow.

  2. Dan on January 27th, 2005 04:05

    I know the word taper, but never heard of it in relation to weather conditions. Also, the omittance of the word “off” changes the meaning. Snowfall tapering means that it comes fown ina big V-shape. Tapering off means that it will die down. Your correction is acceptable…

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