“Being called small man” syndrome

A colleague recently started a conversation with me such:

“No offence to you, but the guy back there had small man syndrome.”

Why would I take offence? I’m a giant compared to some. And I’m tall enough for my feet to reach all the way to the ground.

Miserable horse guards

Most mornings, I’ll say a courtesy "hello" to the chap standing outside the Whitehall entrance to Horse Guards Parade. He never responds. Miserable bastard.

(In fairness, the bastard in question is doubtless numerous bastards, given the rotation of staff.)

Foreign polishy and non-sticky ketchup

What are French Polishers called in France? And in Poland? I found out recently that the name has no comprehension in the US. Maybe they’re Canadian Polishers over there.

Why is coming unstuck considered a bad thing? Becoming stuck in the first place is the bit that annoys me.

Is it wrong to like Asereje (The Ketchup Song) by Las Ketchup? And what other bands are out there named after foodstuffs? The Black Eyed Peas is my starter for ten.

Hey Pesto!

A little over a year ago, Gavin and I came up with the best two man-made substances: Marmite and WD-40. The third such substance is pesto. Traditional green pesto, naturally.

Answers: Altered Image

Below are the answers to the altered image puzzle that will appear in tomorrow’s London Lite.

For those unaware, altered image is the daily offering for the mentally challenged in one of London’s free evening newspapers, in which two near-identical images of a celebrity (almost always female) are shown side-by-side, with five subtle differences. The differences are a subset of about eight that constitute the entire imagination of the Photoshop expert at London Lite.

Blog interrupted

It’s been 13 days and twelve hours since my last post, probably the longest single hiatus of service since records began on 6 July, 2004. The reason: man ‘flu’. (The apostrophes can be construed as the double abbreviation of in-flu-enza, or as an implication that what I actually suffered was something south of ‘flu’.)

I’ve been battling through it, but it’s taken it out of me, leaving no time, nor indeed inspiration, for blogging. I’m back now, you’ll be happy to hear. Normal service will resume.

Pavarotti: he did well, considering

“I think he lived a pretty good life, considering he was so fat.”

Aussie girl into cell phone on the 77 bus, four and a half hours after his death

Universally challenged

Paxman: what’s the definite integral of x cubed between the values zero and one
Dan: a quarter
Paxman [responding to silence from the teams]: no? It’s a quarter
Mrs. Dan: that’s why no one wants to have sex with you.

Toothpaste madness

Colgate occupies a little over half of the toothpaste-dedicated shelf-space in my local Sainsbury’s. The Colgate toothpastes in stock today are as follows:

That’s toothpaste only. Mouth cleaning "systems" and mouthwash are not included in that list.

They should have some form of Benihana-style approach, whereby you choose the attributes you want of your toothpaste and they make it there and then for you. That is, of course, if there is any difference between the contents of the above-mentioned tubes.

I was quite confused, so I bought some Macleans.